"Martial Law declared in Bumblefuck"

Rumor has that an epic event has occured in the honerable township of Bumblefuck. For the first time in 2432 days a new resident has made his home in Bumblefuck. The town rejoices. Festivities shall comence at the gazebo at approximitely O'dark-30. The bowling squadrant will be present.

dot. beep. out.

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Festivities gone bad!!!

YOUR NAME HERE

All was good and well at the town gazebo at O-dark thirty. but then festivities ran amuk. The time was 0-dark-30. the crowd anxiosly awaited the scheduled arrival of "new resident". New Resident did not not arrive as scheduled. The population of bumblefuck held their breath until 0'dark-37. At that piont a brave citizen shouted "Hes Not ....." he was then brutally murdered. then the riots began. It is rumerd that "new resident" slipped quietly into town during this mayhem.

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Mayor Deko-Boko "dies in sleep".

SUBMITTED ANONYMOUSLY

At approx. 3:47 mayor Deko-Boko mysteriosly recieved 7 unsolicited gunshot wounds to the head. He died quietly in his sleep. foul play is NOT susspected.

p.s. new resident is elected mayor by local guerilla warriors.

gazebo remodel planned

contractor xxx

the town gazebo is to be enhanced and expanded sometime in the future. plans included larger shingles and more nails. An excited resident says "I always loved the nails on the gazebo, and Im thrilled to hear that there will soon be more." The aldo is also excited by this hot news.

Bumblefuck taxes raised 400% to fund gazebo enhancements.

JT

In anticipation of the massive gazebo enhanecments mayor "new-resident" raises taxes. As one Bumblefucker put it "im really happy taxes are high now". Estimates greatly vary.

                        

Table O' Content

Section A: Hot News

Section 7: Obituaries

Section D-1a: Books

Yesterday, at 07-30, mayor "new resident" declares himself supreme dictator and appoints "gurrilla warriors" to city council.

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String Bean taste shoots through the roof.

paid Advertisement

Tasty delicious. stringy. hearty. fun for the whole family.. you may have thought last years crop of string beans were tasty wait til savor this years, with 20% more string!.

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bumblefuck tots make guiness book!!

mr.guiness

mrs.sue's 4th grade class collected a record number fo owl pellets in a nearby tropical rain forest. bringing current numbers to near 27. students beat out all schools in their district in state-wide competeition. festivities plannes.

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king tut on display at bumblefuck muesuem.

staff

Bumblefuckn museum of natural history is proud to annoce a half day king tut engagement. Kind tut on display from 12-2pm. free nuts. members only.

king tut stolen!

special person

The bumblefukin museum had it all: king tut and a rare rock from the past. now they don't. on approx. yesterday, between the hours of twelve and two, king tut was stolen. foul play is not suspected. The rock will remain on display, but security is to be enhanced and enlarged. To cover this enhancement, fees will be raised.