"Franco Dee Dead!"

Bob's Pretty good news co.

Franco Dee, the producer of "Losers", has been slain. Rumor has it that he was feeding his hens some left over cookies from Mrs. Butterworth's estate (see obits, issue -14).As he was leaving the hen house, his favorite chicken, Hoser, took a bite of one of the cookies and was blown away. The chickens paniced and fled the hen house. Mr. Dee was killed in the stampeed.

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Bowlers on strike, again

YOUR NAME HERE

After only three weeks since their last strike, the Bumblefuck Bowling Squadron has done it again. Again they are heading to the H.Q. to demand bigger and more fertile balls. A bowler, who requested to remain anonymous said, "You know, right now our balls aren't shooting straight, to score we have to get a shot straight up the alley. Ya know what I mean?" Bumbleck Daily agrees with Mr. Snops.

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Big Marrage

Bertha

Rumer has it that Elna Finkle couldn't find a husband. This is when she turned to Dr. J. Bond, certified mairrage consultant. As he always does, Dr. Bond recommended that Elna should turn to a relative. William Finkle and Elna Finkle will be web this afternoon.

* William Finkle is a quadrapeligic, and a mute

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Table O' Content

Section A: Hot News

Section B: Obituaries

Section C: Classified ads

Mr. Bogart

Three goats escaped from Bob's pretty good goat co. Rumer has it that his fence was inadiquate. He has hired a squad of young workers to build a new fence out of any materials they had on hand. The fence will be made primarily out of Red Rope. Some say it will be inadiquate

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Students Protest

Wood E.

The students of Bumblefuck school are protesting the new drinking fountain. As one student puts it, "Those new fountain be not handicupped ya'll. We all be needing dem handicup fountains, rite ya'll?". School officials object saying, "There ain't no freaking handicuppers at dis damn place ya'll". The students have already begun the long trek to the H.Q. The dispute will be settled there.

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Child Arrested for Nudity

Sheriff Hoser

It was a dark afternoon and I was staked at my post in the Looper's extra bedroom. I had been watching the young Billy Googles (14 months) for 'boat a week. I chose Billy because rumors had it that he was a nudist. And we can't have none of that in this honerable township. After a week of spying on him I finally cought him in the act. Li'l Billy opened the front door and came sprintin' outta his home waring nothing but his pride. I ran out from my hiding spot and cuffed the li'l bastard. I strip searched him and found no discriminating evidence. He is booked on a 50,000 rupel bail.

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Escape

No Author Available

Fun, adventure; the Bumblefuck zoo had it all until it's sole occupant, Mildred, a rare 3 toed sloth escaped. He wittingly zipped past the guards and into the wilderness. Rumor has it he will not be found. Due to insufficient funding the zoo will not be purchasing another animal this year, But will remain open. The zoo-keeper said, "He was a quick lil'l sloth, I was watching him all day, Really!". The Bumblefuck daily speculates he blinked.