MA DONNA BUTTERWORTH

mrs. butterworth was brutally varporized this morning when a sudden blast of C-4 came from within her oven. the blast caused her oven door to blast off into her head, knocking it onto the floor. pieces of her body, including 2 fingers,an eye and half an ear were discovered amongst the gore left my the blast. Memorial service will be held at St.wiggum church of latter day saints at 0400 hours. mrs.butterworth is survived by Aunt jemima and her four young sons living in a small log cabin with a princess.

ZELDA ZIPPLEGOG

earlier today Zelda zipplegog's body was found in the gazebo amogst the fair attractions, including: the orgasmatron, the not-so fun house, and the spinning blades of death. Rumor has it that the local sheriff, Hoser, found toxic gasses, beleived to have been released by her fiance, ezekial, at the scene of this tragic incident. Other sources believe she fled to Tokyo. She is survived by her pet Marmot zippy, and her roommate shelly.

FRANCO WINSTON

98 year old, franco winston, died early today after riding the orgasmatron 12 times without a break. Rumor has has it that mr. winston has not experienced this much pleasure since the early 1900s. after this extreme pleasure franco proceded to ride the spinning blades of death and was cut to a bloody pulp, a cloud of his blood and flesh flew over the fair and the area was evacuated.